Hormones? Never Heard of Her.
If you’ve recently had a hysterectomy and feel like you're starring in a one-woman Broadway show called “Hot Flashes and Homicidal Thoughts,” welcome. You are not alone, and no — you're not losing your mind. You’re just being personally victimized by your hormones.
No one warned me how real the hormonal chaos would be after surgery. I expected a little emotional weirdness, sure. Maybe a sad afternoon or two. What I didn’t expect was to go from sobbing at a dog food commercial to contemplating breaking up because my boyfriend blinked too loud — all within six minutes.
So today, I’m sharing my top survival tips for handling this hormone-fueled emotional circus, straight from someone who has cried about seeing an elderly man walk into the grocery store - more than once. Let’s begin.
1. Accept that your emotional baseline is now chaos.
You will cry over things that do not make sense. Like someone stepping on a bug. Or a missing sock. Or that TikTok where the dad braids his daughter’s hair. Your brain is doing its best, but the estrogen left the building and took your stability with it. Just go with it. Cry it out. Then reward yourself with a snack. You deserve it.
2. Warn the people around you (for their own safety).
Let your inner circle know that you are, in fact, completely unhinged and that it's not personal. Something as small as someone chewing too enthusiastically near you might cause a full existential spiral. Make them a little “Hormone Alert” card if needed. It’s only fair. But, don’t you dare let someone criticize you for these emotions. And if they do, then you have another excuse to have a meltdown.
3. Be prepared for rage. Sudden, illogical, unstoppable rage.
You might go from “I love my boyfriend so much” to “Why does he exist” in 0.2 seconds. That’s the hormones. Not your soul. If you find yourself fantasizing about throat-punching someone for existing, pause. Breathe. Scroll TikTok. Go scream into a pillow. THEN decide if it’s worth the prison time. (It usually isn’t.)
4. Keep snacks within arm’s reach at all times.
This is a public service announcement. Low blood sugar + hormone swings = chaos. Keep a protein bar in your purse, your car, and maybe taped to your forehead. Don’t question it. Feed the beast.
5. Get comfy with doing nothing — like, absolutely nothing.
Fatigue is real. Some days you’ll feel like a goddess who can conquer the world, and the next day you’ll cry because you dropped a spoon and now your life is ruined. Rest when you need to. There’s no medal for pushing through when your body is waving a white flag.
6. Laugh. Even if it’s a little unhinged.
Humor is your best friend. There is something deeply therapeutic about being able to laugh at the absurdity of it all. You’re crying in the grocery store because they’re out of your favorite crackers? Hilarious. Write that in your memoir. You forgot your own birthday? Classic. You’ve earned the right to be ridiculous. Own it.
7. Be kind to yourself (even when you feel like a hormonal trash panda).
The hardest part of all of this isn’t just the hormones — it’s the guilt. You feel crazy. You feel broken. You miss your old self. Be gentle with that girl. She’s grieving. She’s healing. And she’s doing the best she can with a wildly unpredictable body and a society that doesn’t really talk about any of this.
So if no one has said it to you today: you are not crazy. You are healing. You are allowed to feel all of it. Even the irrational, weird, dramatic stuff. Especially that.
And if you need someone to send you memes at 2am because you can’t sleep and you’re crying over an ad for cat litter — I’m your girl. Or maybe not, because I’m in bed by 7:30pm now.